Parenting milestones

I used to hold my children's hands when they crossed the road. It was a brief stage in our lives together, dad and child. Only a short time they could go to the park without me. Now it's been a long time since I held their hands in mine. 

I used to read them bedtime stories, sometimes the same story on a hundred nights, until they could read for themselves. I still know every word of "The Gruffalo" off by heart, but they only dimly remember it, if at all.

These were parenting milestones: my children developing their own skills, becoming independent. At the time, these milestones passed by without me noticing. I don't remember the very last time I held T's hand to cross the road, or the last night I read P a bedtime story. If I had known in the precise moment, that it was the last time, I would have been blinking away tears. It was definitely better for my mental health that I only saw the milestone afterwards when looking back. 

Today I signed T up for another summer of soccer, just like I've done every year in the past decade. But I didn't sign L up, as he's over 18 now. Last Autumn, as his team progressed through the championship, I knew that when the season ended I would no longer be bringing him to matches around Montreal, watching him play, cheering him on, shouting at the referee that he'd been fouled. His final underage game was on a Sunday morning in September, and in the warm Autumn sunshine I had a lump in my throat and blinked away a few tears as we celebrated winning the Montreal U18A regional championship. His last game of underage soccer, my last day as his biggest fan. The milestone was right there, looming over me.

I love being a Dad but some moments are bittersweet.

This morning L said he might want to be a referee this Summer. Maybe I'll follow him around, if he'll let me, show my appreciation for the referee when he makes the right call for offside. The referee's biggest fan. 

P.S. And then the pandemic happened and some milestones were missed, never to be seen again.